Four grandkids, sixteen paws, four tails
by ChuckNorrisLeftFist
Summary: Klaine werewolves. Brittany accidentally caffeinates the pups, Dalton offers them a scholarship, and Sue's plot for the pups and their parents is revealed. "If you like it, then you should have put a collar on it."
1. Chapter 1

A respond to a long LJ prompt, posted at the end. Finn looked panicked. "They're at...at camp! Yeah, they're at camp."

Quinn couldn't imagine Kurt voluntarily going camping, even if Blaine was going. She could see Blaine as a camp counselor or something, or as a ridiculously wholesome-looking Boy Scout. Unless it were some kind of Diva Camp or Broadway Camp, except no, Blaine was more a Top 40 guy. "What kind of camp?"

"Uh...non-Asian camp?"

She first thought Finn's hesitation was because he'd forgotten where Kurt and Blaine were, but this, no way. She'd find out from Mercedes or Burt.

Except she didn't. Kurt and Blaine had been missing from all the summer Glee get-togethers, hadn't called anybody to talk, though a few of them had gotten oddly stilted texts, and Finn, Burt, and Mercedes obviously knew but weren't telling. Not even Tina knew.

Which explained why they were all gathered outside a small house. "Are you sure this is the right one? Last time Puck said he was the exterminator and all he could think of when the lady said 'Go ahead' was to start stomping on the floor and say 'Got it' over and over again." Santana was looking for than a little exasperated. The guys had kept eating the pizzas they used as props for the more plausible mistaken pizza delivery. Since people suspected that the pizza joint was Mob-connected, breaking and entering as delivery was plausible enough for Limans. (Limos? Limoids?)

"Look, this time I'm sure," Sam sulked and Puck, ignoring the discussion, fiddled with the lock until it opened. There was a sudden loud scrabbling from inside and the sound of running, but with an oddly clicking tone to it.

The living room was empty and so was the kitchen. Mike checked the refrigerator on general principles and reported, "They must barbecue a lot, there's all kinds of meat in there." The basement was also empty and so the Gleeks, minus Finn and Mercedes, headed upstairs.

At the first bedroom door, they were met with a wild barking that nearly caused a chain reaction fall down the stairs. Rachel, who had been leading, recovered her balance just in time. "Of course, my experience and long training in ballet, jazz, and contempor-Oh, my God!" She had just taken a step closer to the bedroom, where a small but muscled black wolf was snarling and baring its teeth at her. "Oh, my God, it's eaten Kurt!"

"What? Let me see, dwarf." Santana pushed her aside and saw, behind the growling animal, a scattering of couture clothing. Rachel screamed again, pointing at a cap on the ground with teeth marks punctuating it like extra air holes. "It's eaten Burt!" Since drama often uses threes, she screamed a third time, pointing at a Dalton sweatshirt, "It's eaten Blaine! And I had JUST finished my original song about him!"

"Let me get at that wolf, I'll show it-"

"What the hell is going on?"

"Burt! It didn't eat you!"

"What are you kids doing here?" Burt looked angry and even worried.

"Nobody had seen Kurt or Blaine-" Quinn started to explain.

"They're at camp."

"But there's a wolf! And it's eaten-"

"Look, Rachel, the wolves, the wolf hasn't eaten anybody. Just go on home, would you?"

Not even Lauren was going to try to out-stubborn Burt, at least not directly. As they quietly trooped out, Mike and Brittany silently climbed the tree outside the window.

They saw Burt sit down as the black-furred wolf appeared to calm down. Another, with cinnamon-colored fur, emerged from the bedroom closet, and Burt petted it affectionately on the head and neck. It nuzzled the other and they washed one another's faces. Burt took two steaks out of the bag he was carrying with him and gave one to each wolf. By that time, both animals' hackles were down and the brown one returned to the closet, carrying a pup in its mouth. Burt picked up and petted each one as the wolf repeated this four times. Brittany gasped, "He's like the wolf whisperer!"

* * *

><p>"So why would Burt come to visit wolves?" Artie frowned as they sat around the table at the coffee shop. "And why would they live in a house like that?"<p>

Tina looked equally pensive. "You know, that wolf, it could have attacked us, but it didn't. It was just trying to keep us from coming any closer to the pups."

"So maybe they're somebody's pets? I bet Sue Sylvester would have pet wolves. Except she'd want them to have fricking laser beams on their heads," Sam added.

Mike stirred his coffee moodily, despite taking it black. "But why would Burt be visiting them and why would their room have Kurt's clothing all over it?"

"And why is Kurt missing? And why does everybody say that they're at camp?" Santana glared at Rachel. "Don't say that the wolves ate them."

"I agree now that it is unlikely that Burt would maintain a friendly relationship with animals that devoured his son," Rachel responded with a sniff.

Quinn nodded. "I'll question Finn again. He can't stand up to sophisticated interrogation."

* * *

><p>"So where are Kurt and Blaine and why does Burt visit a pair of wolves?"<p>

Finn squirmed under Quinn's gaze. "Wait, are the pups okay, you said a pair-" Finn swallowed hard. "I don't know?" he tried, but not very successfully.

"There's something you're not telling me, Finn Hudson."

"Oh, that! Honestly, it was only that I tripped when I was carrying my Coke and I really didn't mean it to spill on her boobs and it's not like I was trying to pick her up, she's Artie's grandmother!"

Quinn needed a moment to process that. "No, I was talking about the wolves. And Kurt. And Blaine." She paused and let The Stare of Finn's Pending Doom do its work.

"Oh, them."

"No, I meant the other Kurt and Blaine."

"Wait, are you saying that they have doubles, too? And they're werewolves, too?" Finn's hand flew to his mouth.

Quinn nearly thought this was clever misdirection, Finn pretending that he thought that they were werewolves to make her think that he was only guessing. She then remembered that she was talking to Finn. She smiled craftily. "It's possible. Tell me what you know, then I'll tell you what I know, and we can figure it out together."

* * *

><p>"So Finn said that Burt was too late with the bucket of water," Quinn paused dramatically in her narrative to the rest of ND. "When Kurt and Blaine stayed wolves, it meant that Kurt had turned into a female wolf and gotten pregnant."<p>

"We should have guessed when Dalton's show choir changed their name from The Warblers to The Wolf Pack." Artie nodded.

"I thought they were just trying to be more badass." Puck smirked.

Quinn continued. "Wes and David told Finn and Burt all about it. Actually, it was a PowerPoint presentation that Wes made."

"So how come they didn't recognize us?"

"Humans smell one way to humans and entirely different to wolves. It's like the difference between one note and an entire symphony. They recognized Finn and Burt because they were there during the transformation and then Finn introduced Mercedes who came in right afterwards."

Quinn looked at the group with a serious expression. "Look, we can't tell anybody else. People already pick on them because they're gay. When they transform back once the puppies can feed themselves, think of how much worse it would be when people know they're werewolves. And the fathers of four."

Everybody around the table nodded, except for Puck. Rachel nudged him angrily. "Noah, you can't tell anybody, agreed?"

He nodded absently, then speculated out loud. "You said all four babies were nursing at once, right? So when Kurt turns human again, is he going to have eight working breasts? Because having sex with him would be like having a fivesome and I don't think I could resist that."

Nobody worried that Puck said that. They were used to him.

They worried that Lauren nodded as though she were imagining it, too.

* * *

><p>"Mom and Burt won't let me post it on YouTube," Finn pouted as he opened the video. "Mom was the one doing the actual taping, she said she figured Burt might faint and I'd put the lens cap on by mistake."<p>

"Did he faint?" Brittany asked.

"No, but it was close," Carole smiled.

Finn had no idea how she managed to materialize from nowhere when he was about to view the video of the puppies being born.

The video opened with Kurt lying on his side on a pile of soft, fluffy towels in the middle of the kitchen. He was panting softly but otherwise looked rather serene. The camera panned to Blaine, who was pacing up and down, whining, going to sniff Kurt's muzzle, whining again, and pacing. Sometimes he paced over to David and Wes who were sitting on the floor, out of the way. They'd rub his neck and tell him he was being silly, Kurt was doing just fine, but the moment that something in Kurt's breathing changed, he started pacing and whining again.

"Oh, my God, it's starting," Carole exclaimed and the camera focused on Kurt's belly, where for all the world it looked as though one of the pups was crawling determinedly towards the exit. Kurt raised his hind leg and nosed at the birth canal, and Finn squealed like a little girl as they saw what looked like a wet red bag briefly appear and then disappear. Kurt continued to nose at it, pushing harder and longer the second time, and the pup finally emerged on the third push. He licked off the amniotic sac, bit the umbilical cord, and busily licked the pup clean from head to toe. Blaine's whines changed to little sounds of excitement and he licked the pup, too, as it found its way to a teat and began a good meal. Kurt's mouth was open, tongue lolling, and nobody there would have denied that he looked absolutely delighted.

After ten minutes, another pup started the same process. Kurt got up, turning around a few times, the first pup not letting go of the milk source for an instant, but hanging by its mouth. Blaine again started to whine and pace, especially when Kurt briefly looked uncomfortable and nosed harder than before at the birth canal.

"Do we call the vet, do we call the vet?" Burt wasn't doing much better.

Fortunately, Kurt took only another minute to push this one out, too, and after a good cleaning, it started to nurse alongside the first one. The camera focused on the pups as Kurt stretched out. They were small enough to fit comfortably in a hand and their eyes were so firmly closed that it was hard to imagine how they could find their way so unerringly to begin to nurse. Blaine and Kurt were both washing the two arrivals and sometimes paused to look into one another's eyes. Finn, in the meantime, was quietly muttering, "I'm an uncle now, I'm an uncle," over and over and somebody, or possibly several somebodies, were sniffling a little.

The next two pups came out just moments apart and were followed by the placenta and then Finn's yelped, "What's that?" "It's just the placenta, honey," Carole assured him. "It means all the pups are born." Kurt sniffed it and then nosed it towards Blaine, who nosed it back. This repeated itself until Wes groaned, "Would one of you stop being polite and just eat it already?" Blaine nosed it back to Kurt and then turned his back, clearly saying, "You eat it and I won't hear another word." After a moment's hesitation, Kurt gulped it down. Carole brought him a basin of water and he lapped at it thirstily. He looked tired but very pleased with himself.

"Can I, Kurt?" Burt asked, in a voice that made the identify of one of the snifflers clear, slowly approaching. With one hand, he petted Kurt's head, rubbing him around the ears, and very lightly stroked each of the pups once down the back. "I can't believe you just made me a grandfather."

Blaine settled down opposite Kurt with what was clearly a sigh of relief, occasionally licking them, other times leaning further forward to lick Kurt's muzzle.

"Let's let them get some rest and bond with the pups," Carole whispered. "I'm so glad we taped this for them." She put her arm around Finn. "But I've got to admit I'm jealous. Two months pregnant, forty-five minutes start to finish for four babies...you were a lot more trouble, Mr. Finn Hudson."

David nudged Wes. "I told you eight gavel chew toys was too many."

_The prompt:_

_Background Information:_  
><em>-Blaine and Kurt are werewolves<em>  
><em>-Kurt is a carrier and has just given birth<em>  
><em>-New directions have never met Blaine and haven't seen Kurt since becoming a werewolf (their scents are unrecognizable)<em>

_Actual Prompt:_  
><em>Blaine and Kurt live together and Kurt has just given birth to their babies (im seeing 4 babies (the birth more wolf than human-explaining the multiples) but that can change. New directions (minus Finn) want to see what is going on with Kurt since they haven't seen heard from him in a long time, ask Finn wear he is. Finn tells them and they go to casa de Klaine. Somehow they get in without notifying Klaine. Klaine being werewolves smell their unfamiliar scents and run to the nursery to protect their pups. All i really want in this scene is Kurt holding the pups in like a corner or something and Blaine standing in front of them in wolf form growling. Anything else is up to the filler._

_I'm sorry if this prompt is long as specific, Thanks in advance to future fillers!_

_PS I'm going to prompt this on the angst meme too. It could really go either way._


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry for the weird formatting in Chapter One—I made the mistake of checking only the first screen! It's fixed now.

* * *

><p>Finn had said that Kurt and Blaine took a while even to accept that Mercedes was safe with the pups, so they'd introduce the Gleeks to them one by one. Puck wanted the decision to be based on who had the biggest guns. Rachel decreed that she should get to meet them first because she was the most valuable performer in the club. Mike said that it was vital to make sure that the pups learned to dance early on, so he'd better get in there and start making an impression. By the time that Tina presented a claim based on the fact that she convinced Figgins that she was an Asian vampire, so she and werewolves would have a natural affinity, Finn said that they'd pull names out of a hat. Puck's guns did not get their own names and Rachel didn't get one as Rachel Berry and another as Team Co-Captain.<p>

Fortunately, everybody could live with it being Brittany, when her name was pulled. On the ride over to the house, she chatted happily with Artie about how cool it was that the puppies would be able to pull sleds when they grew up but she hoped that they wouldn't name all the puppies Mush because that made it so hard to tell them apart.

The nursery door was closed but there was a note, "Out in the back yard."

Finn couldn't help grinning as they looked through the back door into the yard with its high fence. Carole and Burt were sitting on the bench, glasses of iced tea at hand, watching as Blaine was tossing a red Kong up in the air and catching it again and Kurt was lying in the shade with the puppies curled up against him, napping in one big, indistinguishable pile.

"Let them come over to you," Finn cautioned Brittany. Blaine heard the door open first and looked from Finn to Brittany, then advanced, slowly. "It's okay, buddy, she's a friend," Finn said, soothingly, as he continued to approach. Brittany squatted and he got close enough to her to sniff. "Hi, Blainey, you're a cute werewolf, but why aren't you wearing any hair gel?" Blaine remained between her and Kurt and the pups until Carole and Burt came over and greeted her. Apparently that was enough of a character reference because he let her pet him a little, and she added, "Oh, your ears are so soft!"

Kurt was watching carefully and must have stirred because the pups blinked themselves awake and more or less rolled out of their pile, going from 0 to 100 percent awake in about three seconds. One of them tried to climb onto the bench that Carole and Burt had been sitting on, and Brittany squealed, "Oh, that one takes after Blaine!"

Another one of the pups tried to reach the little piece of leaf mold that had blown onto its side while it was napping, but had too much puppy fat to fold that way. It marched over to Kurt and stood right under his muzzle, clearly demanding to be licked clean. "Awwww, that's just like a little baby Kurt!"

Blaine was sitting on his haunches, slowly swishing his tail back and forth, while the other two pups tried to pounce on it. Sometimes he let them catch it, other times, he whipped it out of their way just as they were about to pounce. "Oh, look, he's grinning," Brittany exclaimed. The biggest pup tripped over his own paws on his next leap, and she hugged Finn's arm. "Aww, Finn, that one takes after you!"

Burt looked at her and considered trying to explain genetics, but then remembered that a) this is Brittany and b) given that his son had been turned into a werewolf and had given birth to four puppies, maybe he'd better not, just in case she was right.

The furniture-climbing puppy ran over to Finn, squeaking in excitement. Finn scooped him up and held him way over his head while the pup squeaked some more and wagged his entire rear half wildly. When he looked as though his excitement might get a bit...liquid, Finn put him down, just in time, and then the pup scooted over to Brittany, wagging madly. "Well, hello, little Baby Blaine wolf, how are you?" Kurt came over to supervise and she lifted one of his paws, "Oh, good, your hands are still soft!"

* * *

><p>Sue Sylvester tapped her pen against the open pages of her journal. It had been a very good idea to implant another SueCam in Brittany, telling her that it was a time-release superpower pill. She had considered doing the same for Porcelain's ridiculously over-sized brother, as he was the only other student gullible enough to fall for it, but she couldn't stand the idea of his pestering her about when he was going to get his superpower and babbling about which one he wanted. At least Brittany was enough in a world of her own that she imagined she'd already gotten it, the superpower of communicating with her cat.<p>

If she'd done it earlier, Brittany wouldn't have spent the summer in the sewers. Sue would have retrieved her after a week, well, two at most.

Now she finally knew where Porcelain and the Hair-Gel Hobbit had been hiding. Things rarely surprised her but this did.

She'd track down Gavel Boy, seize his gavel, and hold it next to a coarse-grained electric sander until he talked more about just what this werewolf business meant.

Depending on what he said, she had plans for those werewolf pups. Perhaps for Porcelain and Hair-Gel Hobbit, too...


	3. Chapter 3

"I still think Lord Tubbington would enjoy visiting and he could teach the puppies to speak Chinese."

"Honey, I don't think Blaine and Kurt would appreciate it if their kids could speak Chinese and they couldn't." Carole had learned to take Brittany in stride and just poured her another cup of tea. By now, the parent wolves had gotten used to Brittany's presence, too, and while of course they watched her carefully when she was near the pups, their guard was mostly down. The one she called Baby Blaine had climbed onto the sofa into her lap and she was rubbing his belly and feeding Big Blaine cookies. Kurt was busy cleaning the rest of the puppies, holding Baby Finn down with a paw as the pup wriggled to get free. Carole could all but hear him say that he didn't need a bath.

"I forgot to bring Big Blaine some hair gel today," Brittany confessed, "So maybe I'd better not bring Lord Tubbington. I wouldn't like it if Blaine got mad at me and I couldn't play with him and Kurt and their babies anymore."

"I think as long as you keep feeding him cookies, he'll be pretty forgiving." _I might not, though, if you bring Kurt and Blaine coffee again. Even if you did remember that chocolate is bad for dogs and made Kurt's non-fat mocha with chocolate flavoring instead of the real stuff._ It wasn't so much that the adult wolves got too out of hand, but Kurt was still nursing, and four caffeinated wolf pups had to be seen to be believed.

Kurt apparently didn't understand about caffeine, so when the little ones came over for a milk break, he refused to let Burt or Carole try to postpone the nursing session.

Baby Blaine had actually been able to climb the tree in the backyard, though he reflected his aptitude for U.S. foreign policy by not having given much thought to exactly what he'd do once he was up there and even less to how he'd get back down. Burt had had to get a ladder and try to glare Carole out of taking pictures.

Baby Finn had chased his tail until he was so dizzy that he was staggering around the backyard for almost an hour after he stopped. Big Kurt had to run interference to keep him from knocking his head into things or tripping over his own feet more than usual.

Baby Kurt had yapped, yelped, squeaked, and done flips and somersaults for two hours straight.

Baby Lauren (Brittany had named her that because she had pooped on Puck and he didn't even mind) had raced around the yard and house knocking things over and just barely escaping getting smushed under the falls until even Big Blaine, with his medium drip still in his system, was worn out from chasing her and keeping her out of trouble. He finally collapsed flat on the floor, panting and looking up at Carole and Burt with big exhausted eyes, but fortunately she fell asleep a moment or two afterward, the first to be worn out after the caffeine.

Carole petted Blaine's head as she remembered that incident. He and Kurt were great parents, but she was glad that the pups would grow up at wolf speed instead of human speed for their first year. It was also a good thing that Dalton had a special scholarship for werebeings, giving them free tuition from kindergarten level on, ″in a caring atmosphere that meets students' special needs and privacy for changes during the full moon. Dalton's no-bullying policy applies to all species.″ Burt had only commented that some of the scenes from the recess yard would have been absolute gold on YouTube, with weregerbils and werecats chasing one another and then collapsing together for naps. However, Dalton kept that part of its operations very strictly quiet, so cameras weren't even allowed.

She hoped that they weren't trying to raise some kind of were army, but then decided to cross that bridge if they ever came to it.

* * *

><p><p>

Sue Sylvester patiently (or at least as patiently as Sue Sylvester can manage) watched on the camera and waited until Carole and Brittany had left. She had actually planted the idea of giving the pups caffeine in Brittany's mind and she had watched the events of the last few days every closely.

Fine, Dalton would offer the pups a better education than she could at McKinley, at least until they reached high school age. But she wouldn't let that interfere with her other plans.

Figgins had tried and she wondered why on earth he even tried to thwart her any more. It was rather like watching an ant try to stop a truck. Even if it survived because it was so tiny that it was sheltered by the tire's treads, it still inevitably watched the truck disappear into the distance after its pathetically futile resistance.

At least sometimes Will put up a more interesting resistance to her plans, even though that was only because she was distracted by the fumes from his hair gel. She regularly inhaled various toxic gases to make herself more immune to them but somehow the smell of that gel, along with the bizarre reflections from the grease slick, managed to briefly incapacitate her. He might rant at her a bit about this latest plan, but then it wouldn't be a satisfying plan if it didn't horrify him.

She broke into the house easily enough and blew her whistle. They had work to do.

* * *

><p><p>

″Does it say anywhere in the rule book that I cannot do this?″

″No, but...″

″Well, then. If it isn't in the rule book, then I don't even need to cheat to do this,″ Sue concluded triumphantly and leaned back to watch.

Her Cheerios were forming a pyramid, rather a dull one, just to get the audiences thinking that Sue Sylvester had lost her touch. Then they started to rotate, still in pyramid formation, and march across the field, far more difficult.

But that wasn't the pinnacle, not by any means. Sue blew her other whistle, the dog whistle, and two adult wolves and four pups came running across the field. The black wolf started by climbing up the backs of the girls, followed by the cinnamon-colored one and the four pups. They formed their own pyramid atop the first, and the pups quickly descended again to start dancing, shaking their rears. The other wolves followed, then the girls descended, and the pups led the entire group in a revised choreography and lyrics, ″All the Single Canines,″ culminating in, ″If you like it, then you should have put a collar on it.″


End file.
